


Say it if it's worth saving me.

by Esther_Summerson



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Minor Violence, POV Female Character, Sickfic, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-15 05:04:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5772343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esther_Summerson/pseuds/Esther_Summerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Routine mission goes awry, leaving our favourite WWII vet needing urgent medical care. What on earth made him throw himself into the line of fire?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Be kind, comment or kudos if you enjoyed this please.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I couldn’t help the litany of swear words running through my head as I paced up and down outside Medical. “How the hell did this happen?! What the hell was he thinking?! Fuck!” Recon, they’d said. Just observe and report back, how the hell does that end up with the complete fubar situation that we’d ended up in? I looked up in time to see one of the nurses come in to the waiting room where I’d been pacing for the last thirty minutes.  
“Is there news?” I barked at the poor man approaching me. I must have been a terrifying sight covered as I was in debris, a little of my own blood as well as a lot of Bucky’s.  
“Yes Agent, Sergeant Barnes is currently in the Cradle. Dr Cho estimates that his internal injuries should be healed soon. Some rest and recuperation and he will be fine.”  
“Ok, thank you.” I replied, folding down into a nearby chair and sighing as the relief set in.  
“Would you like me to take a look at you now?”  
“What? No. I’ll be fine, just go see to Sergeant Barnes.”  
“Don’t listen to her,” came a sardonic voice from behind the nurse. “She could have lost a limb and she still wouldn’t want to be seen to.”  
“Tasha, I’m fine. Honestly.” I said, standing up from the chair where I had crumpled.  
“Jarvis, would you perform a full body scan on Agent Forbes please?” Natasha said, speaking to the omnipresent AI. “Let me know when you’re done.”  
“Body scan complete Agent Romanov, would you like the results now?” Came the cultured British voice from the ceiling.  
“Yes please Jarvis.” Natasha said, barely hiding the glee in her voice at the knowledge that she was soon to be proved right.  
“Agent Forbes has a sprain to her left wrist, several lacerations, two of which will require stitches if they are to heal properly, and is currently showing signs of a mild concussion and physical exhaustion. Can I offer a treatment plan?”  
“By all means J, don’t hold back now love.” I muttered under my breath.  
“The wrist needs to be strapped up to prevent further injury, the lacerations on left arm and temple need stitches as well as a localised anaesthetic, and rest before she collapses and damages herself further.” Came the sarcastic reply.  
“Wow, thanks for ratting me out J! Look Tash, I’m fine. Compared to Bucky it’s nothing.” I said as she came to stand beside me and took me by the hand to lead me to a treatment room.  
“Yeah and that’s the problem right there isn’t it?” she muttered as we walked down the corridor.  
“What?”  
“Nothing Ellie, nothing. Now come on and let the nice man patch you up. The sooner you’re through here the sooner you can get back to James.” Nat replied, scooting me backwards until I was sat up on the bed in the treatment room.  
“Fine, whatever. Look I need a favour, will you help?”  
“If it’ll get you to sit still anything!” She replied, moving out of the way as the nurse rolled a tray of instruments up to the side of the bed.  
“We were sent in there for basic recon Tasha, this should have been a simply observe and report mission and yet we were ambushed by more than a dozen Hydra agents before we’d been there for 10 minutes.” I whispered to her, watching as a small frown formed on her otherwise blank features. “How did they know we’d be there, and how did they know when? They weren’t lying in wait Tash, they knew we’d be there and they turned up just after we’d gotten ourselves set up.”  
“Look, don’t worry about this for now. And don’t tell anyone that you’ve told me. I’ll keep my ear to the ground and let you know how I get on alright?” She said, coming up and squeezing my knee before turning to the nurse. “And you heard none of this, am I clear?”  
“Patient confidentiality, I couldn’t tell anyone if I wanted to.” He replied, spraying the cut on my forehead with a local anaesthetic before beginning to stitch it closed.  
“Perfect,” and with another small squeeze to my knee she turned on her heel and walked out of the room.  
“J?” I called out to the AI.  
“Yes Agent Forbes?”  
“How long til Sergeant Barnes is done in the Cradle?” I asked, trying not to move too much as the nurse worked on bandaging my sprained wrist.  
"Approximately fifteen minutes Agent.”  
“Hear that? That’s how long you’ve got before I walk out of here ok?” I said to the man currently strapping my wrist.  
“I’ll work quickly then, Agent Romanov brought a change of clothes for you and there’s a shower in what will be Sergeant Barnes’ room if you want to get cleaned up.” He replied.  
“Thank you, I’d be lying if I said that didn’t sound like bliss right now. And I’m sorry Tate, for being such a pain in the arse.” I said flexing the fingers of my damaged wrist for movement. “It’s just been a hell of a day.”  
“That’s ok, I’ve dealt with worse.” And he quickly got on with bandaging up my booboos and setting me on my way. Bucky wasn’t out of the Cradle when I made it in to his room and so being careful of my new bandages I went into the en-suite and washed away the blood, muck and strain of the day. When I came out, feeling as refreshed as my restricted shower would allow me to feel, Bucky was sprawled out in the hospital bed opposite me. I couldn’t hold back the sharply drawn intake of breath at the sight of my partner, ghostly pale even after being cared for by Dr Cho. The drip attached to his arm giving him blood and medication, the heart monitor beeping steadily next to him, all served as reminders of just how close I’d come to losing him today. The tears flowed steadily down my cheeks as I curled myself up as small as possible in the chair next to him and watched the rise and fall of his chest. I remembered then that I wasn’t alone in wanting to make sure that James was ok, and worrying how it would look if anyone caught me crying next to him I quickly dried my tears.  
My thoughts returned instead to our earlier encounter with Hydra.

****_Bucky had just gotten set up with his sniper scope, and I had just finished hooking up the parabolic microphone to my laptop when I noticed the black-clad goons coming up over the edge of the roof as more of them flooded up through the roof access doors._  
****_“Bucky!” I yelled, as I drew my gun and shot the first two enemy agents that were making their way through the door. He no sooner heard my shout than he had drawn his own gun from where it rested at his hip and aimed at the men attempting to scramble up onto the roof. We rolled apart to take cover behind separate vents and started ducking out from cover to take out whoever was unlucky enough to find themselves in our sights._  
****_“Where did this lot come from?” I shouted down the comm to Bucky._  
****_"Fuck only knows doll! I thought this was gonna be quick and painless.”_  
****_“Story of my life, nothing ever comes easy.” I called back, taking out another goon who was trying to get on my blind side._  
****_“What do you say to us getting rid of this lot, heading home and chilling over a couple of cold ones doll? You can tell me the tale of your sad little life.” Bucky said, leaning out from his position to shoot three Hydra goons in the chest. “Ellie watch out!”_  
****_And before I knew what was happening he was barrelling towards my position, gun raised to shoot at the man who’d sneaked up on me and had a gun to my head. There was the quick report of gunfire and I swear to God that I saw the bullet entering Bucky’s gut. I didn’t even think before sweeping my leg out to floor the agent who had shot Bucky, and taking the knife from where it was strapped to my arm, plunged it into a gap in his body armour. Looking around I saw that we had cleared the roof of hostiles and ran over to where Bucky was laying prone on the floor._  
****_“I need a med evac from my position now!,” I yelled over the comms as I applied pressure to the gunshot wound in Bucky’s stomach, trying to ignore the grunt of pain he let out. “Hostiles could still be in the area, be on the lookout but get here now!”_  
****_Seconds passed but each one felt like an hour as I watched Bucky take shallower and shallower breaths. “Hold on for me, please Bucky. Please stay with me.” I begged, even as the Quinjet showed up to take us back to base and medical professionals took over his care I stayed at his side. Holding his hand and pleading with him to hold on. **** ___

I was startled out of my memories by the arrival of Steve, wiping my face to ensure that there was no evidence of my earlier crying jag I walked up to meet him at the door.  
“Hey Steve, don’t worry he’s going to be fine ok?” I said, taking the worried man’s hand in mine and squeezing gently. Apparently today was the day that I was hand holding super-soldiers.  
“Ellie, what happened? Are you ok?” He asked.  
“I’m fine, nothing more than a few bumps and bruises and a sprained wrist thanks to him.” I replied, nodding my head to where Bucky was lying a few feet away. “As for what happened, I’ll let him explain that when he wakes up in a few hours.”  
“You sure?” He asked, looking me over worriedly.  
“I’m sure, in fact now that you’re here to sit with him I think I’ll head up to my place and see if I can catch a few zz’s.” I let go of his hand after giving it a squeeze and walked around him to leave.  
“I’ll let you know when he wakes up Ellie,” Steve said looking down into my face. I mustered a small smile for him before ducking my head and letting my hair fall around my face to camouflage the tears that I could already feel forming in my eyes.

I have no idea how I made it back to my apartment on the 81st floor without bumping into anyone, but I managed it somehow. Closing the door behind me I slid down the wall, brought my knees up to my chin and resting my head on my arms I wept. Letting the sobs roll over me like a tidal current which threatened to take me under and disappear me into its dark and watery depths.  
Why would he behave so stupidly as to break cover, why yell out when he could have just shot the guy creeping up behind me? He nearly died! I nearly lost him today, and my heart broke a little at the thought that he would never know how much his loss would have devastated me. I had never told him what he meant to me, never told him that his warmth, his humour and his charm had wormed their way past my defences and into my heart. I loved him, and he would never know because I didn't have the strength to tell him. I didn't have the strength to be rejected by him.  
I cried myself out, it could have been minutes but I could feel the damp patches on my shirt left by the fall of tears and knew I was done. Dragging myself up the wall using my good wrist I made my way over to the kitchen cabinet where I kept my emergency stash of bourbon. Taking the bottle down from the shelf I suddenly realised that I couldn't even get the bottle open with just one hand, that was almost enough to push me to tears again and I slammed the bottle down on the counter. Taking a deep breath I picked up the bottle, and bracing it against my body with my arm I used my good wrist to pull out the stopper. I took a long pull before setting the bottle down on my counter. Letting the liquor burn down my throat I gave in to the exhaustion that was tugging at me and made my way over to my bedroom starting to pull off my battle suit. Changing into my comfiest t-shirt, a leftover from an old boyfriend if memory serves, I crawled onto the bed. Pulling the covers up over me, and leaving my injured wrist resting on my stomach, I let the pull of sleep take hold and drifted off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up sucks.

I woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes wafting through my open bedroom door.  
"J? Who the hell have you let into my apartment this time?" I called out sleepily to my favourite guard dog.  
"Sergeant Barnes insisted that you would require his assistance to recuperate, and that required that he be allowed access to your kitchen. Was I wrong to believe him?" Came the almost apologetic response.  
"No J, that's fine. Just don't make a habit of letting in anyone who asks ok?" I replied as I made my way over to the bathroom.  
"I will make a note of that for the future Miss Forbes."  
"And how many times do I have to say it J? call me Ellie."  
"At least once more Miss Forbes." I was muttering under my breath about it being too early for smart-arse AI's when a yell came from the kitchen.  
"I can hear you moving around in there, so make yourself decent and come on out, or I'm coming in."  
"Jeez, gimme a second will ya Barnes! I'm only just awake!" I called out in the direction of the kitchen and adding pain in the arse partners to my muttered rant I made myself as presentable as I could be bothered. This meant brushing my teeth, making sure that my sweats and my t-shirt didn't have any obvious holes in and brushing out the bed-head.  
"So what brings you to my kitchen at this hour of the morning? Shouldn't you still be at death's door or something?" I snarked, lifting my butt up onto one of the stools in my kitchen to watch Bucky at work.  
"I have never felt better doll, turns out Dr Cho's whatchamacallit really works. Who knew?" He replied, pouring me a mug of tea from the pot and handing it over. "Whereas you still have various aches and pains, and probably didn't want to get any of them seen to so I figured I'd better check up on you. How you feeling?"  
I took a moment to do a mental check of all yesterday's injuries, my wrist was hurting like a mother and my head ached slightly but other than that I was feeling ok, considering.  
"Not too bad surprisingly, my new best friend down in medical has given me anti-inflammatory pills for the wrist and he already dressed the cuts that needed stitches. So I'm doing fine Sarge, thanks to you." I replied, looking down into my mug.  
"Hey, what are partners for?" He asked rhetorically turning back to the growing stack of pancakes.  
"So what are you really doing here Buck? Not that having you make me breakfast is a bad thing, it's just a weird thing."  
"Well we've been signed off active duty for the next five days, so I figured we could catch up on that Netflix list you've been making." He said, setting a plate full of fluffy thick pancakes in front of me before passing me the maple syrup and going back for his own plate.  
"Five days! You nearly died, so of course you need to be signed off, but why the hell have I been signed off for five days, there's nothing fricking wrong with me!" I asked, drowning my pancakes in syrup.  
"Well as you keep pointing out I nearly died, and as you're my partner they figure you could do with the time off too." He replied around a mouthful of pancake.  
"So I don't even need to make my report? We're just sitting around for the next five days?"  
"Nope, Nat took care of the reports and we're sitting around watching Netflix for the foreseeable. You with that wrist elevated and iced for as long as you can stand it."  
Wow, five days of doing nothing with the man I loved. The man who had no idea how I felt about him. And whose near death experience just the day before had left me a wreck of emotion. I was in hell.  
"Shouldn't you be spending this time with Steve? Isn't he desperate to mother hen you?" I asked, shifting awkwardly on my stool.  
"I managed to convince him that I was fine, and that you needed the mother henning more doll." He replied smirking. "You trying to get rid of me already? Cos I haven't even started looking after you."  
"Bucky, you got an omniscient AI to let you into my apartment so that you could cook me breakfast and check up on me. You've already decided what needs to be done to look after my wrist and you're drinking tea even though it reminds you of being back on the front lines." I said, looking over at him with a small smile. "You're already looking after me."  
"I haven't even started doll, I haven't had anyone to look after since Steve grew into the impervious man-mountain that he is now." I didn't even bother to hide the snicker. "So you are in for it."  
"Should I be scared, cos if I'm being honest I'm a little terrified right now Sarge." I replied on a grin, stepping down from my stool and put my now empty plate into the sink.  
"Just prepare yourself for five days of some serious care doll."  
"Ok, and on that note I think I'm gonna shower!"  
"Need a hand?" He asked, trying to hide his smirk.  
"Hmm lemme think, no I'm good Buck. Thanks though." I replied sarcastically. And walking away to hide in my bathroom for as long as I could before worrying him, I desperately tried to pull myself together. He was my friend, I could do this, he didn't have to find out my secret.

I didn't remember falling asleep, and I swear to God that I had no idea how I ended up stretched out on my sofa with my head resting on Bucky's thigh forming a small puddle of drool under my mouth! I came to slowly, feeling his fingers running through my hair as he watched the end of Jurassic Park. Resting my good hand on the sofa beneath me I slowly pushed myself up and away from Bucky, I couldn't bring myself to look at him.  
"Oh jeez Sarge, you could have woken me before I started to drool on you I'm so sorry." He reached over to where the remote was resting on the arm rest of the sofa and paused the movie.  
"That's ok doll, you sleep ok? You seemed a little restless." He said, reaching up to brush my hair behind my ear.  
"Oh God, what did I do to you?" I asked, unable to keep the horrified look off my face.  
"Nothing, you were whimpering though. Like you were in pain." I heard the unspoken question in his tone.  
"It was nothing Buck, just a bad dream." I replied, getting up to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. The glass was halfway to my lips when he spoke again.  
"You were calling my name Ellie. Asking me to stay." He said from just behind me. I lowered the glass to the counter without taking a drink.  
"I was reliving yesterday," I still hadn't turned to face him, my shoulders hunched over as if I could make myself smaller. "When the bullet went through your body armour, when I was pressing on the wound even though I knew it was hurting you. I could feel your blood running out between my fingers, and I knew in that moment that it didn't matter what I did, didn't matter what effort I made, I could still lose you."  
"But you didn't El, I'm right here." He replied, moving behind me to rest a hand on my shoulder. That was my undoing, I couldn't hold back the sobs any longer. The tears flowed freely and I turned to hide my face in Bucky's chest.  
"What the hell were you thinking?!" I yelled, pushing him away suddenly. "Why did you have to put yourself in harms way like that? All you had to do was tell me he was there and I could have dealt with him! But oh no, you have to yell making yourself into a dumbass target, and get yourself shot!"  
"I lost it Ellie," he said quietly. "I saw that gun pointed at your head and I guess I lost mine. I can't lose you."  
"Ah, so you get yourself shot because you think I can't take care of myself is that it?!" Yep I was still yelling at him.  
"No, I got myself shot because I'd rather be dead than live without you! I love you Ellie." He stopped yelling so the three magic words that I'd never dreamed of hearing from him came out on a whisper of breath.  
"I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" I gasped, not believing my ears.  
"I love you, I love you Ellie Forbes! Heard me that time?" He asked, pulling me back into his arms. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you.That was not supposed to come out like that. I had it all planned out."  
"What was the plan Buck?" I asked, winding my good arm around his waist and resting my sprained wrist against his chest.  
"I was going to spend the week showing you how much I cared, let you get used to having me around before asking you out. I sure as shit did not mean to show my hand on the first night" He replied sheepishly. "Is there going to be a point where you tell me what you think about what I just said? Or am I just going to burn away in my embarrassment doll?"  
"I never thought you could care for me the way I cared about you," I said, looking up to meet his nervous gaze. Shaking my head at him when he made a move to interrupt. "I've never known anyone like you Bucky, you're incredible, and I was damn sure that I didn't deserve you."  
"Then you're as much of an idiot as I am, because I was thinking the exact same thing about you. That is until Steve told me I should take a risk, and Tasha gave me a little nudge that maybe I wasn't taking as big a risk as I thought."  
"Oh that little witch! I'm going to kill her, just as soon as I regain full use of my wrist."  
"Let me see if I can change your mind," and he lowered his lips to mine. The kiss started off as the softest of brushes, before I coaxed his lips apart with my tongue, stroking into the depths of his mouth I felt rather than heard his groan and he pulled me closer. I couldn't hide the grunt of pain as I tried to pull him closer using my sore wrist  
"Ah shit, sorry Ellie. We should probably wait til your feeling better before fooling around too much." He said, backing away and reaching out to check my wrist over.  
"I love you James Buchanan Barnes," his hand stilled as he took in my whispered words. "I think you may well be too good for me, but until such time as you figure that out I'm prepared to take what I can get. So before this emotional roller coaster puts us both into a spin, how about we go lie down on my couch and watch another movie?"  
"Ellie, I love you too. And will continue to do so until you see what I can, that you deserve every happiness I can give you for as long as I can give it." He stopped as he heard my sharp indrawn breath as the promise held in his words found its way into my heart. "But you're right, this has been a lot to take in. Lets go back to movie night, and just enjoy being together ok?"  
I stretched up to plant a kiss at the corner of his mouth before leading him back to the sofa where he sprawled across the back before helping me lie down in front of him. With my head pillowed on his bicep, and his other arm around my waist I was positively glowing with happiness. I reached over him to pull the blanket that I kept on the back of my sofa over us both.  
"Comfy?" I whispered.  
"Perfectly," he replied, planting a kiss into my hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may follow this up with a smutty/fluffy epilogue, what do you think?


End file.
